Sisterhood of Survivorship
Sharing, Caring, Surviving
Debi P's Story
Year Diagnosed: 2003
Type of Cancer: ovarian
In Oct. of 2003, I was running up a hill with my then 9 year old daughter on my back to catch a beautiful sunset. The next week I developed a backache that I attributed to this. Weeks later, when it wouldn't go away, I went to my doctor, who couldn't find anything wrong. A few months later, days before my 40th birthday and still in pain, I had my annual gyn. exam. My Dr. said that I had a huge tumor on my ovary, but that it was so big that he doubted that it was cancerous. His nurse called a few days later to tell me that my CA125 was normal,and just call back to schedule surgery to have my ovary removed. During my surgery that was to take about an hour, they sent the tumor to the lab for immediate testing while I was still "open on the table." It turned out to be ovarian cancer and the most wonderful oncologist in the world was called in immediately. Probably one of the worst things about the whole cancer experience was that my fabulous husband had to hear this news by himself—without me. And that he had to call my mother who was babysitting my 3 daughters and tell her. I believe that my surgery lasted 6 hours. I remember that it was very hard to wake up and when I finally opened my eyes for a second and looked at the clock, too much time had passed. In my groggy, druginduced state, I knew something wasn't right. I remember falling back to sleep... nothingness... and the next thing I remember is a young doctor's voice saying that he was an oncology intern. Oncology... wait, wasn't that a cancer doctor??? Then I heard my mild-mannered husband yelling something about me not even knowing yet...
That whole memory was really one of the worst ones of my life.
After 6 months of chemo and 5 years of no recurrences I continue to be cancer free and grateful. I find that it wasn't the surgery or chemo or hair loss or the unending tests that was the most upsetting, but the loss of innocence that I experienced. No matter that I had no history of anyone in my family ever having cancer, or that I had 3 healthy pregnancies and nursed my children for years or that I was only 40—all things that make having ovarian cancer unlikely... I did! I was never going to be the cancer "virgin" that I was before. From now on, every pain, unusual test result, dream, must be cancer. I lived in constant fear when I was never fearful before.
As the years have gone by, my anxiety has ebbed proportionately. I am so very blessed to have had my oncologist and his staff, my wonderful family, friends and community. I don't think that I will ever be one of those people that says "My life is better for it"—in fact I know that I won't. It's an ugly, ferocious disease. I pray often for those who suffer from ovarian cancer and those whom I met that have died after their courageous battles. I pray for the doctors and nurses who can't help but be affected by their patients' deaths, but continue to do their jobs lovingly. There are some amazing people in the world, and I am so happy to be alive to know them!
