Sexuality Issues

With vaginal cancer, you may have to deal with many changes in your life. Over time, cancer can change your sense of who you are, how you feel about yourself, and your relationships. Some of the changes you face may be related to your sexuality. This section discusses some of those changes. Also, you’ll find ideas about how to deal with them. Then at the end, there’s a list of resources you can use for help.

Many women feel awkward talking about sexual issues. So it might feel hard to be honest about how you feel. Your partner, doctor, or nurse may wait for you to bring up the subject of sex. That may be because they don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. You should feel free to ask questions and talk about your sexual issues or concerns. This is part of being a normal adult. You should not feel ashamed or embarrassed. It might be helpful to talk to social workers, counselors, or other women in support groups.

When thinking about the effects cancer may have on your sexuality, it can help to ask yourself the following questions:

How has my illness changed the way I see myself and feel about myself?
How has my illness interfered with my role as partner or mother or...?
How has my illness affected my sexual functioning or response?

Changes

Many short- and long-term changes that can affect your sexuality take place with cancer treatment. They may be temporary, or they may last a long time. The effects of different treatments can change how you feel, look, and function. Changes in body image such as hair loss, weight changes, menopause, fatigue, pain, and anxiety are some side effects you may have. Because of your treatment, you may experience any of the following:

low sexual desire
vaginal dryness
vaginal shortening or narrowing
painful intercourse
trouble reaching orgasm
infertility

All of these changes can affect your sexuality and your ability and interest in sexual activity. Sexuality not only refers to sexual intercourse, but to other means of sexual expression. For instance, it includes touching and kissing. Intimacy refers to the physical or emotional closeness you share with another person. Self-esteem and body image are important factors that help define how you feel about yourself.

Whether changes are short-term or long lasting, you can find ways to feel good about yourself and to be intimate with your partner. It’s important that you remember to be patient and give yourself time. Here are some ideas to help you cope with changes:

Focus on physical recovery, including diet and physical activities.
Ask your doctor or nurse about maintaining or resuming sexual activity.
Include your partner in discussions.
Report vaginal discharge or bleeding, fever, or pain to your doctor or nurse.
Choose a time for intimacy when you and your partner are rested and free from distractions.
Create a romantic mood.
Try different positions until you find one that is more comfortable and less tiring for you.
Use pillows for comfort.
Use a water-soluble lubricant (Astroglide, K-Y jelly, Lubrin), if needed for intercourse.
Use dim lights, wigs, lingerie, and other things to cover wounds or scars if body image concerns keep you from been intimate.
If pain symptoms or nausea prevents you from being intimate, take medications 30-60 minutes before emotional closeness.
Remember that cancer is not contagious.
Use birth control during cancer treatment if needed.
Remember that being intimate will not cause the cancer to come back or grow.
Remember that your partner is also affected by your cancer. So talk about both of your feelings and fears.
Explore different ways of showing love (hugging and holding, stroking and caressing, talking).
Discuss treatment options with your health care team if you have menopausal symptoms because of therapy.
Find humor where you can.

Patients are often overwhelmed with the information they receive from their doctor. Below are some questions to ask the doctor.

Sexuality Questions

How will my cancer and its treatment affect my desire for sex and my sexual function?
How long will these changes last?
What can I do about them?
Will I cause harm to myself or to my partner if I have sex?
Are there any restrictions that I should be aware of?